I am writing you this letter in hopes of allowing you all to be inspired and reminded of the gift that lies before you. Not just the gift of salvation or the victory that we can claim through the actions of Jesus, but also the plain and simple gift of hindsight.
I was born and raised in a Christian home and as a result have inherited a faith in God that may or may not have been there otherwise. I have done my best growing up to do the things that would please God. I was always taught that a relationship with Him is far more than doing good deeds, but was a relationship similar to that of my dad’s and mine. I loved God and believed that with Him anything was possible. Might I also say that I also believed that the closer I was drawn to Him the closer He would be to me and as a result pain, sorrow, and misfortune would be miles away from me.
As a teen my friends and I decided we’d go off to Bible College to learn more about the history, the character and the thoughts of God. Later on we did just that. After we graduated – I with honors – we had it all figured out. We knew how God operated. We could look back in time and see what happened to people and from there see where God was and whether or not the activity was curse for disobedience or blessings for obedience. We had Him figured out…that is…until it all went south!
You see, after I graduated I was able to get established in a great industry where I was CEO and making a fortune. I got married, had a team of children and moved into a great house. I never had a worry before me. The house was taken care of by a few good workers, and my kids were able to learn from the best of teachers. My wife loved me and supported all that I did. Until it all began.
It started when a group of guys decided to break into my workplace and steal everything I had going in there. I mean they left nothing behind…nothing! Whatever staff was on shift that night…gone…yes…I do mean gone! I felt lost, weak, hopeless, confused, and in a way paralyzed.
Then if that wasn’t enough, my kids were all hanging out at my oldest son’s house as they had done so often before…eating…playing games…having a few laughs, all until a storm rolled and lightening struck the house in such a fierce way that it collapsed in on itself…killing all of them…my kids…my very flesh…now what?! Oh the devastation, what was I to do? Was God mad at me, did I do something wrong? I yelled out to Him in pain and in that same moment I knew that I could not blame Him but in the midst of my pain I had to praise His name…oh how hard that was!
Days later, almost in spite of me, I got sick. I was in the midst of mourning, trying to restructure, and bang…I get hit with some massive skin disease that caused so much pain and discomfort that to leave the house would be just a struggle let alone shameful. My wife…of all people…questioned my faith…my faith…not her own, but mine. She started at me with questions like, “How can you remain faithful? God obviously doesn’t care for you, why don’t you tell Him, tell Him your done with Him?” But I just couldn’t…how could I abandon my God when he is all I know, when he is the source for eternal life…where else can I go? But you know what? I didn’t remain all that faithful…I am human right.
I started to spiral into a depression-like mentality. With thoughts that the whole world was against me, along with God. I started to feel alone and as though whatever I was going through that I was the only one and that my problems were far too big for anyone to understand or even for God to repair. I began to think that there must have been some unaccounted sin that I committed or that I allowed my family to commit that I was being punished for. My friends started preaching at me, reminding me that I needed to think back to all the sermons I preached, the lessons I gave about hardships and enduring them in faith. Of course I shut them out since there was no one suffering like I was suffering.
Eventually my friends started going through the possible sins and punishments and reasons why I might be facing this ordeal. As they were doing that I began refuting them figuring that I was not at fault for anything, denying all accusations that came my way. Then it hit me. While my pride was escalating and my ego was being fed like a savage beast that still small voice that once spoke to me in love and peaceful tones with messages of hope and direction came at me so loud that it was as though it were audible.
He started to remind me that I was not as great as I thought I was. This greatness that I felt was incomparable to His and that I needed to rethink where my righteousness originated from, what it was rooted in. I was brought so low, but in a different way than before, in a way that felt right, proper, and realistic. I began to feel that sense of awe in Him, the one who created it all, and in whom all wisdom began. I knelt on the ground and in that moment I repented, I apologized and remembered that it was His grace that kept me from the troubles prior to the ones I had just encountered just as it was his grace that kept me alive in spit of my pleas to die.
I hated my life, I hated Him, and I hated everyone around me. But, just like any storm that arises a calm follows. And just as the rain falls one day the grass, grains, and trees bloom the next. And just as I was blessed with a family, career and an untainted faith before the storm hit, after the storm subsided I was blessed with even more. With daughters more beautiful than any other father could boast, sons strong and devoted to the Father, and a corporation that dealt with more equipment, output and income than the previous one had by far. I was blessed more than I ever – ever was before. Even my faith was better because I always had it in the back of my mind the tragedy that reminded me that it wasn’t my faithfulness but His that kept me.
Now I know that I could have gone into far greater detail and expanded more on some things, but for the sake of the setting I summed it up as good as I could for the moment we are in. And as for the moment we are in, remember hindsight is a valuable tool for recovery. Let your past remind you of what roads not to travel, and equip you with the knowledge of how graceful God really truly is.
With much love,
Your Brother in Christ – Job.
